Feeling myself
Unstuck
You’ll find nothing extraordinary here, folks. I’m just a responsible adult “adulting” in a suburban community doing nothing in particular, except taking care of myself, raising a young woman, and falling in love with life.
I retired a few years ago from the military and have chosen a life of peace after two decades of war.
This blog is about my personal journey through the [very human] rigors of life, love, disability, CPTSD, community, and my various hobbies.
I’m a mixed bag of fun and fuckery, I kid you not! My life has been a roller coaster for me and those who love me.
Hang on and enjoy the ride. Perhaps, someone will learn something from it or be entertained by it.
My Latest Posts
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- Debunking Myths: Truth in Today’s Narratives
The Grand Narrative Podcast: Deconstructing the “Myths” We Live By
We often talk about what mythology teaches us, but we rarely talk about what it does to us. Here, we broaden our aperture to include an academic and polemical discussion of the “myths” (shared cultural narratives) of modern systems and how we find our own truth within them.
“The script we’re given isn’t always the one we want to follow.”
-UnattributedToday on the pod, our digital host, Nolan Void, and his guest, Heda Norm, are deconstructing the grand narratives of modern religion.
We’re not here to judge; we’re here to expand on and understand the risks of dissonance and the power of social scripts.
When discussing religion and cognitive dissonance, it is helpful to view them as two distinct “operating systems” for processing reality. While religion provides the narrative structure (the “What” and “Why”), cognitive dissonance describes the psychological friction that occurs when that structure is challenged (the “How we react”).
The differences between these two paradigms can be broken down into their goals, their mechanisms of certainty, and how they handle conflicting information.
The intersection of modern religion, cognitive dissonance, and social control is a central theme in sociology and psychology. While many find community and purpose in faith, critics and scholars often examine the “myth” of modern religion as a structured narrative designed to maintain order and psychological alignment.
Grab your headphones and join the conversation.
Episode 1: The Myth of Modern Religion This animation explores the thin line between community and social control. - Explore the Listener’s Lounge: Music and Creations
Come here to check out what I’m creating and listening to nowadays.
- Product Review – Ease Cushion
So, I bought this cushion from a manufacturer named ease cushions a little over a year ago, and despite getting an initial warm and fuzzy feeling about the product, I ended up with one of those expensive product nightmares.
As a wheelchair user, our goal is to avoid pressure sores at all costs. In order to do this, we often have to lift ourselves up to enable proper circulation to our lower extremities. As you could imagine, that can be exhausting at times and perhaps implausible for disabled persons without proper grip, strength or capacity.
That being said, a cushion that automatically relieves pressure Can come in quite handy for us, folks in wheelchairs.
Ease cushion advertisement from their YouTube channel I bought my first ease cushion a few years ago for my iBOT personal mobility device (PMD), which is a form of powered wheelchair. Since I’m in my chair for hours at a time, the cushion made perfect sense for me even at the significant personal expense. I’m a veteran with VA healthcare coverage, which includes all the items associated with my disabilities. However, the VA does not offer these cushions for issuance currently.
I enjoyed the first cushion so much and got so much good usage of it that I bought a second a few months later for my vehicle. That cushion enables me to drive for longer periods of time without risking pressure related injuries. So, it was only natural that when I saw the advertisement for the smaller version of my power chair cushion that I would get one for my manual wheelchair, which is my primary mode of mobility.
For the past year since I’ve received the 18 inch cushion, I’ve had to return it 4 times due to malfunction. Each time I returned it, it took nearly a month to get it back. So, just the amount of time it took to get a replacement consumed months of the paltry one year warranty.
So, here I sit (literally) with a useless $700 cushion that will require repair or replacement at additional cost to the end user. Or, I have an expensive paperweight.
My video review posted to my YT channel and social media platforms - The Importance of Self-care for Black Men
So, I recently had a conversation with Microsoft’s AI assistant, named “Copilot”, about the potential benefits of practicing mindfulness and implementing self-care activities into our daily routine. I received some credible feedback.
Check it out:
“Practicing mindfulness and self-care offers Black men a powerful path to healing, resilience, and empowerment—especially in a society where systemic stressors and cultural expectations often demand emotional suppression and hyper-resilience. Here’s how these practices can make a meaningful difference:
🧠 Mental and Emotional Health
- Reduces chronic stress: Mindfulness helps regulate the nervous system, easing the toll of racial trauma and daily microaggressions. A
- Improves emotional awareness: Practices like breathwork and meditation help Black men recognize and process emotions without judgment. B
- Breaks stigma around vulnerability: Embracing self-care challenges the harmful narrative that strength means silence. C
💪 Physical Well-being
- Lowers blood pressure and improves sleep: Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) has been shown to support cardiovascular health, which is crucial given the higher rates of hypertension in the Black community. A- Encourages preventive care: Self-care includes regular doctor visits and exercise, helping to close the gap in health outcomes. C
🧘🏾♂️ Cultural and Spiritual Empowerment
- Reclaims agency: Mindfulness allows Black men to define their own rhythm and identity, rather than conforming to societal expectations.
- Co Bnnects to ancestral wisdom: Many mindfulness practices echo traditional African spiritual practices—like communal reflection, breath rituals, and grounding through nature.
- Fosters community healing: Group meditation, therapy, or storytelling circles can create safe spaces for shared growth and solidarity.
🔄 A Practical Tools for Everyday Life
- Improves focus and decision-making: Being present helps with clarity in relationships, work, and parenting.
- Builds emotional resilience: Recognizing emotional patterns—what one author calls your “emotional battle rhythm”—helps you respond rather than react.
- Pro Bmotes gratitude and joy: Even small rituals like journaling or laughter can shift perspective and uplift the spirit.”
Then, I inquired, “How can I start integrating self-care into my daily routine?” Copilot, in an unusually familiar tone, replied with the following:
“Building a self-care routine doesn’t have to be elaborate—it’s about weaving small, intentional acts into your day that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Here’s a grounded, culturally mindful approach to get you started:
🌅 Morning Grounding Rituals
- Start with stillness: Just 5 minutes of deep breathing or a short meditation can set the tone for the day.
- Affirm your worth: Speak a daily affirmation rooted in strength and heritage—something like, “I carry the wisdom of my ancestors and the power to shape my day.”
- Hydrate and stretch: A glass of water and a few stretches awaken your body and signal care from the inside out.
🧠 Midday Mindfulness Moments
- Pause and check in: Set a reminder to ask yourself, “How am I feeling right now?” This builds emotional awareness and resilience.
- Micro-joys: Listen to a favorite song, step outside for sunlight, or savor your lunch without distractions.
- Digital detox breaks: Even 10 minutes away from screens can reset your nervous system.
🌙 Evening Restoration
- Reflect and release: Journal a few lines about what challenged or uplifted you. This helps process emotions and track growth.
- Unwind with intention: Replace doom-scrolling with a calming ritual—reading, herbal tea, or a warm bath.
- Sleep hygiene: Aim for a consistent bedtime and create a restful environment (low light, no screens, maybe a calming scent like lavender).
🔁 Weekly Anchors
- Nature walks or movement: Gentle exercise outdoors reconnects you with your body and the earth.
- Creative expression: Whether it’s drumming, sketching, or storytelling, find a medium that lets your spirit speak.
- Community check-ins: Reach out to a friend, join a group, or attend a cultural event that affirms your identity and belonging.
🛠️ Tips to Stay Consistent
- Start small: Choose 1–2 practices and build from there.
- Stack habits: Attach new self-care habits to existing ones (e.g., meditate right after brushing your teeth).
- Honor your rhythm: Your routine should feel like a gift, not a chore. Adjust it as your needs evolve.”
Whenever I encounter healthy information, I always feel like I’m obligated to share it with others, especially those who follow my social media accounts. So, I put some of the information into a short video and posted it to my Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok accounts in keeping with my vow to add as much healthy/helpful content as possible.
I don’t own any of the music rights in this video. - Harnessing AI for Engaging Digital Content
If you know me, you absolutely know that I’m a nerd in every sense of the word (except for the stereotypical plastic pocket pen protector). I enjoy and embrace learning about every facet of modern technology!
So, with that said, it should come as no surprise (particularly since I post about it so often) that I’ve taken up the challenge of learning how to integrate artificial intelligence (AI) into everything I do, including my social media content. It’s fun to allow my mind to soar and apply my whims to AI to create something new and expressive.
Below is my latest foray into helpful messaging called “Digital Discussions”. Each discussion topic covers an issue that affects me personally, something I’ve overcome during my life, or a social issue that hits home in some meaningful way. Future discussions will dig into parenting in the digital age; making choices regarding retirement; and, tips for taking care of your body after turning 50. Since I’m a fairly political guy, I also intend to include a little of that, too.
Do you find that your social media feeds are polluted with more advertising than entertainment or intellectual/spiritual nourishment?
There are far more useful things to put out into the universe than more half-nude pictures on Instagram, political propaganda on Facebook, or yet another TikTok dance routine. While I don’t want to bore anyone with more slideshows or less-than-thrilling content, perhaps we need a little more informative material considering the damage the other stuff creates.
Please forgive the rough edges as I’m still learning how to refine each layer. Leave your feedback in the comments and let me know which discussions interest you. Then, come back for more! Ciao until next time.
“The person who follows the crowd will usually go no further than the crowd. The person who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever seen before.”
― Albert Einstein - The Role of AI in Modern Self-Expression
“To go wrong in one’s own way is better than to go right in someone else’s.” – Dostoevsky
For the past few years, I’ve been on an exciting mission to not only explore how artificial intelligence (AI) works, but also to embrace and integrate it into my life in uplifting ways. One of those captivating avenues is the art of expression.
I have had my fair share of struggles with self expression throughout my life. Words have never really been my problem, but stringing them together to tell someone how I truly felt or what my needs were was an obstacle for many years. Finding the “right way” to deliver my message (or most socially appropriate method to offer an opinion) seemed to escape me time after time. It often felt as though I were caught in a web of hesitation and self-doubt, unsure of how to articulate my thoughts without fear of judgment or misinterpretation.
Finding the Right Balance
Each attempt at communication became a balancing act, where I weighed my desire to be understood against the risk of vulnerability. I realized that this struggle stemmed not from a lack of vocabulary, but from deeper insecurities about how my feelings and thoughts would be received by others. Over time, I learned that self-expression is not merely about finding the right words but also about cultivating the courage to share one’s authentic self, making the journey towards clearer communication a transformative experience in itself.
Nowadays, I strive to learn something new as often as I can, understanding how enriching that can be. As an autodidact, I find comfort in the fact that I can often pick up new skills on my own, simply by diving into information and embracing the journey of trial and error.
Using My New Skills in Real Life
In this exhilarating era of AI, I’ve fused my relentless spirit of self-education and unwavering desire for genuine expression with the boundless possibilities of cutting-edge technology. Here are some of my recent AI-driven video projects, where I’ve brought to life the skills I’ve so passionately cultivated on my journey.
It was challenging to learn how to generate the images I used in my other digital artwork (presented in my digital ark notebook on this site), as each image demanded creativity and technical skill to bring my visions to life. But, that stuff was basic compared to the effort it took to produce video content!
I found myself immersing in the research of the subjects, diving deep into relevant resources to gather pertinent information and insights. After extensive research, I drafted and revised the scripts multiple times, ensuring that every word conveyed my message effectively and resonated with my audience.
Then came the meticulous editing process, where I pieced together the footage, added soundtracks, and fine-tuned the visuals to create a polished final product that truly captured my artistic intent.
Here, I created a character, Dr. Phil Ossiphor (as in “philosopher”), to discuss contemporary philosophy. I desperately wanted him to be a Black man since we often have difficulty seeing ourselves talking about such things in the public sphere. The short video aimed to inform and shows my interest in modern philosophy, especially mutual interdependence. Since we all live on the same planet and share the universe, I wanted to provide a simple explanation of the concept.
Fictional doctor Phil Ossiphor opines individualism. The next topic was personal autonomy, or individualism. This topic is important to me. I value being my true self and being accepted by others, though I haven’t always shown that part of myself. For much of my life, I kept my true thoughts and identity hidden out of fear of rejection and abandonment, which I experienced during my early years.
Since politics are always on my mind, I thought I’d make something with a slight political edge.I had to share my thoughts on politics since it’s something I care about deeply. If you’re new to my social media, you may have missed my posts and debates against totalitarianism and authoritarian leaders who act like they’re helping society. I also strongly dislike propaganda and how it’s used in today’s media.
Accountable Communication
My goal has been to navigate the complexities of social spaces with a keen awareness of logical fallacies and misunderstandings. By being mindful of the information we share, we can truly uplift each other and contribute valuable perspectives, helping to enlighten and inform the masses with positivity and clarity.
I encourage everyone to embrace the opportunity to conduct their due diligence, dive into research on your favorite topics, and select news sources that cover the classic 5 Ws (who, what, when, why, where). This will empower you to stay well-informed with the best insights available. Amidst all the chaos, remember to shine as your authentic self and express your thoughts responsibly.
“Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”― Sigmund Freud
- Embrace the Simple Life
Discover the joy and peace of living authentically and avoiding the rat race. A serene reflection on life’s true pleasures.
Living Life Between the Notes – Retirement and Personal Growth
Date & Time: 2025-03-23 15:25:08
This post explores the concept of finding enjoyment in life’s quiet moments, particularly during retirement. It emphasizes the importance of self-reflection, personal growth, and focusing on health and nutrition after a career of professional achievements.
I discuss the risks of neglecting personal well-being due to a busy work life and encourage balancing career success with self-care and mindful living.
Takeaways
- Life isn’t always about excitement and fanfare
- Real enjoyment happens in the quiet moments between events
- Retirement as a time for self-reflection and personal growth
- Focusing on health, nutrition, and mood management
- Addressing neglected aspects of self after a career of proving oneself
- Questioning the value of constant pursuit of professional success
- Balancing career achievements with personal well-being
- Risks of neglecting health and nutrition due to busy work life
- Importance of making time for self-care and nutritious meals
- Consequences of prolonged stress and unhealthy lifestyle choices
Quotes:
"That life was supposed to be all excitement all the time that it's always supposed to include some kind of fanfare and you know folly and you know flamboyance yeah that ain't that ain't it there are parts of life where you have to try to live life in between the notes that's where the real enjoyment happens."-- E. Cole"In between the notes and the quiet lulls you see what I started to focus on in retirement was more pouring back into myself in a very earnest authentic organic and esoteric fashion I started to learn more about my health, Nutrition. How to manipulate my moods in a very healthy way."-- E. Cole"Here's a glimpse into what I chose to do with my time, and what I will continue to choose as long as I am able."-- E. Cole
Life Between the Notes
The concept that true enjoyment in life comes from the quiet moments between major events, rather than constant excitement and fanfare.
- Keypoints
- Life is not always about excitement and flamboyance
- Real enjoyment happens in the quiet lulls between events
- Importance of finding value in everyday moments
- They learned how to manipulate their moods in a healthy way
- Emphasis was placed on addressing neglected aspects of self that had developed during their professional career
- This approach contrasts with the constant pursuit of professional success and financial gain
- Considerations
- Balance between career achievements and personal well-being
- Importance of self-reflection and personal growth
- Risks of neglecting health and nutrition due to a busy lifestyle
- Long-term consequences of stress and unhealthy habits
- Special Circumstances
- If encountering health issues due to prolonged stress and poor lifestyle choices, how should it be addressed?
- If feeling unfulfilled despite career success, how should one reassess their priorities?
- Experiences: Romantic Relationships – Preferences, Expectations, and Dating After 50
Meditating on the disconnect between stated preferences and actual desires in romantic relationships There is often a mismatch between the qualities women say they want in a partner and what they actually desire, which can lead to challenges in forming and maintaining relationships.
Discussion Points
- Women often express preferences for men that don’t align with their actual desires
- Women say they want sweet, sensitive, tough, and smart men, but when they meet someone who fits these criteria, it’s not really what they want
- Women may prefer men they can mold rather than those who are already fully equipped
- Modern women, especially black women, may not want partners who know more or make more unless it benefits them
Successful relationships require flexibility, compromise, and a realistic understanding of the complexities involved in romantic partnerships.
Relationships are not always 50/50 arrangements but involve give and take, compromise, and collaboration. A more realistic approach to relationships is needed for constructing healthy and enduring relationships.
Dating after 50 presents unique challenges, but it’s crucial to remain open to love and focus on personal growth rather than becoming cynical or inflexible in one’s approach to relationships.
People have become accustomed to being mistreated in relationships, so it’s important to remain open to love and continually improve oneself despite past heartbreaks.
- Women often express preferences for men that don’t align with their actual desires
- Reflections on Creativity: The Eric Still Project Overview
I took some time to sit still this year to reflect on all of my efforts to convey my creative energy. What came out of that stillness was a deeply introspective and personal offering named the Eric Still Project. I imagined that I had enough moxie to completely lay out my vision, but found out early in the process that it was too ambitious a project to try to squeeze into a single written work.
So, I broke it down into three volumes: Vol. I represents my creative side, more comfortably expressed poetically; Vol. II (coming soon) represents my reflexively positive side; and, lastly, Vol. III (coming in 2026) is a reflection of my introspective side. I had no intention of writing a giant compilation because it may have come out sounding like a middle-aged man whining 🤣
Instead, I broke it down into those three parts so readers could sit with each one and derive meaning from them individually while understanding that each was a part of a whole (hence the subtitle). For example, my love of hip hop music is fairly evident in my poetry, so I want readers to enjoy that by itself and be able to flip only a few pages to get to their favorites.
Volume II is a bit different, however. It captures the essence of positivity that I intend to bring to those I encounter and the world in general. It follows my 60-day ritual of daily mantras and affirmations with personal insights included.
It is my hope that readers will enjoy the lessons learned and joys expressed along the way, and come away with a feeling of closeness and bonding. None of us are alone on this planet we call Earth, and none of our journeys are exclusive as we share the same space and air.
- Why I Could Never Be a Republican
I stopped to think today about my choices in personal politics and various positions on relevant issues. I considered how I truly felt when it came to choosing one political ideology versus another and allying with one party over the other.
I considered the private values that I have held deeply throughout my life and how I applied those lessons learnt to how I vote.
I grew up in a working class Black family in a working class neighborhood in the northeast New Jersey city of Linden. This is the kind of place where we grew up playing in Little League baseball games on an old dusty diamond near the local airport. We looked forward to the first day of school so we could see all of our friends and compare our stories about our summer vacations (along with seeing each other’s new school year outfits).
Linden was the epitome of normalcy and stability in that area back then. We had relatively low crime and prided ourselves on that civility. Neighborhood disputes ended more often with a few punches thrown than shots fired. As kids, we gathered in small groups on brisk Halloween afternoons to trudge through the crisp fallen leaves and go door to door in search of the best treats. We were safe in a way that I don’t know exists anymore.
Most of my friends had at least one parent (mainly single Black mothers) in the home and had a sibling or two. We played together outside in every season! Our guardians made us understand the family and neighborhood norms, and held us to standards of accountability, civility, and responsibility. Neighborhood kids knew each other’s family members and our siblings pretty much all knew each other from the city schools.
We passed down to each generation which schools were tough, which parts of the neighborhood had dogs or other dangers, and whose parents were lenient. When we were old enough, usually in our early teens, we walked to the Linden Twin Cinema on Wood Avenue to watch one of only two film choices. The word “multiplex” wasn’t even a thing yet!
In Linden and the surrounding area, it was a rite of passage to earn your working papers (which are required for minors to work in the state) and get your first legal job at around 15 years old. We prided ourselves as youngsters in earning our own money and having spending power. Many of us had newspaper delivery jobs at even earlier ages, believe it or not.
We learned about civics and our role in the body politic as high school freshmen in basic political affairs classes. We had to turn in news article clippings each week to show that we were paying attention to the local, state, and national news. My generation also had to pass at least one semester of home economics and typing classes. We longed for the freedom to be allowed to take New Jersey Transit buses and trains to destinations along the Northeast Corridor and Raritan Valley transit lines. By age 17, those of us who were fortunate to have a car drove to pickup friends and sweethearts to head to the nearby malls at Woodbridge Center and Menlo Park.
Linden had its struggles, too. It wasn’t always nice outside there. Along St. Georges Avenue, the main thoroughfare through the city, there were plenty of crime and neighborhood drama scenes. Generations of families played out their nonsensical yet persistent “beef” (definition: a grudge or feud with someone) scenarios where someone said something about somebody’s something or other that caused a “beef” and the only real way to handle that was to have a fistfight. Those fights didn’t always resolve the issue at hand, though, and may have led to an unnecessarily explosive escalation.
Growing up in that type of environment forced me to learn how to avoid conflict with other Black men on the street while also navigating the contours of a racialized society. There weren’t just other Black men to worry about; I also had the dual threat of White police officers (and the systems that support their autonomy) to contend with. It wasn’t uncommon in my youth or early adulthood to witness the horrors of state-sponsored brutality personally or in the daily news.
Like so many other Black men, I felt the cold hand of oppression and burning hot slap of racism too many times to enumerate. My criminal record spells out the same sort of run-ins with police that became all too common during the mass incarceration era…alleged gun and drug possession, disorderly conduct, and other order maintenance offenses.
Those experiences taught me to value my freedom and the mechanisms that support it, like the ability to cast my vote, driving privileges, and being of service to my community.
After the final throes of substance abuse and criminality in my younger years, I decided to relearn how to be a responsible adult and productive citizen. I began to understand how politics played a substantial role in my daily life and which issues meant the most to me (and those like me).
Enlisting in the military added a new facet to my life – one of service to my country, countrymen, and ideals greater than my own petty personal preferences. I met people from other walks of life who shared their experiences and reasons for serving. I, too, offered them glimpses of what my life was like prior to taking the oath of enlistment and my deeply personal reasons for doing so. It was refreshing to hear so many diverse opinions and lessons learnt from places I hadn’t been exposed to before. I truly began, for the first time in my life, to understand how the patchwork of America is stitched together in common bonds of likeminded individuals with a collective purpose.
Traveling abroad also aided in my understanding of how the people and systems of the world interacted with one another to enable national and global societies. I learned the value of human interaction and healthy forms of communication from sitting in cafes around the globe and engaging in robust dialogue with a number of folks from various cultures and religions. Listening to the tales of persecution from refugees and the work experiences of expatriates led me to a heightened level of awareness of the issues affecting people beyond my immediate purview; it also taught me how to decipher the news I watched and to weed through the bullshit that politicians routinely spread.
As my worldly aperture widened, my perspective rebooted like a computer receiving its latest software update. My personal choices of who I wanted to represent me in Washington D.C. and the legislature of whatever state I resided in matured immensely. I knew that the nature and direction of conservativism didn’t suit me at all, as they stuck to a script of alienating people who looked like me. They championed legislation that sought to isolate certain segments of the population, mainly the lower-income persons and families that were largely responsible for the work that generated the wealth for America’s richest.
I have no earthly clue what it feels like to be extremely wealthy or be the CEO of a major corporation, so it’s implausible for me to identify with them to any meaningful degree. I can’t fathom making any decision to exploit anyone for my personal benefit. That just ain’t my thing. So, when I scrutinized the record of each of the major political parties, conservatives never appealed to my preferences or personal experiences, nor did they offer any rhetorical comforts in their campaign messaging.
Each election is an opportunity for us to choose the most qualified persons to represent us in local, state, and national elections. I don’t really subscribe to the notion that we “belong” to a party. HELL NO, I don’t “belong” to anyone! I do, however, believe that every person running for an office in the public trust has an obligation to be qualified for the position he or she is running for and that individual must reflect the values of their constituency.
- From Military Conformity to Happy Hermit Life: Embracing Individuality After SCI
I like to see myself as a bit of an introvert. I think I’ve always been that way, but I have been guilty of trying to “fit in” at some points in my life. I mean, haven’t we ALL been guilty of that? I simply prefer more solitary activities or doing stuff in smaller more intimate groups. Too much stimulation can be overwhelming at times.
After surviving an arduous military career where I was compelled to conform, I chose a lifestyle that suited me a bit better – the aptly-named “happy hermit life” where I no longer try to be liked for fitting in. I prefer to be appreciated for my unique traits and fierce individuality, no matter how weird or eccentric it may appear to onlookers.
In 2016, I suffered a spinal cord injury (SCI) that landed me squarely in a wheelchair for the foreseeable future (until modern medicine discovers a viable replacement for my mobility aid). I ceased feeling sorry for myself early in the recovery process and chose to continue serving in uniform for as long as the military would allow me to.
When that ride was over, I settled into a nice bit of depression where I tried to mask my disability and caught myself feeling like I needed to fit into an acceptable able-bodied understanding of a six-foot tall veteran in a wheelchair.
That did incredible harm to my self esteem! I sought out and indulged in acceptance therapy to help rebuild my self worth and accept my reality versus spiraling into another bout of depression. (I would advise anyone in a similar situation to seek professional help via counseling, group therapy, or some other form of emotional/psychological assistance.)
Throughout the years since my injury and recovery, I’ve found a renewed purpose free from self judgment or attempting to conform to any external sources of validation. I opened my mind and heart to expressing myself through creative outlets like writing, drawing, and photography/videography. I enjoy these pursuits a ton more than sitting behind a desk at someone’s job damaging my already damaged body even further.
I sometimes volunteer at the local VA medical center to speak to newly injured SCI patients and fellow veterans in wheelchairs about the rigors of this part of life, and try to convey a bit of hope amidst the often troubled times their experiencing during the adjustment from their previous able-bodied lives.
A picture of me out in the middle of nature flying my drone and taking pictures of local landscape. - Bedtime Habits: Unwinding With Technology and Self-Care
Typically, I begin my nighttime routine around 10:30 PM. That’s right around when my body starts to feel tired. I know I’m not in the minority in sleeping with the television on with my iPad laying next to me and my phone on the nightstand glowing.
I tend to find moments right before I get into bed to do something on one of those devices. Sometimes, if in the mood, I go to one of my favorite apps Better Me to do a few minutes of breath work and listen to a bedtime story just prior to shutting my blue light-emitting devices down for the night.
- Life at Sea: Experiences on USS PELELIU’s 2006 WestPac Deployment
Stock Control (S-1) on the 2006 Western Pacific (WestPac) deployment of USS PELELIU (LHA 5) Once upon a time, on a mighty warship named after a famous WWII battle, there lived and worked many of this nation's most courageous citizens who bore the burdens of navigating the world's treacherous waters. They did so in fulfillment of their nation's needs and Commander in Chief's orders. Bells, alarms, boatswain's pipes, and other familiar sounds of maritime life filled the air (along with the sweet stink of diesel and jet fuel mixed with the sweat of thousands of combat-ready Marines).Multiple exhausting deployments became the norm during the early years of the loosely-named and broadly-targeted Global War on Terror. Operational stress was a routine part of our daily diet, paired with the distinctly overwhelming physical rigors of life at sea in the humid Western Pacific and superheated Arabian Gulf.
To break the monotony of daily details, demands, and deadlines, we took brief breaks to blow off steam, take it down a few notches, and laugh at ourselves. That kind of stress, if left unchecked and improperly vented, can have disastrous consequences on wellbeing and morale.
Imagine going to sleep and waking up to the sights, sounds, and smells of Marine combat serial numbers being read over the 1MC announcing circuit and Harrier jets taking off and landing overhead. Or, standing in a line for 30 minutes to grab lunch only to have it broken up by a drill. Or, waiting in an even longer line just to leave the ship when you pull into port, with the weather at a humid 110 degrees while you and a thousand others shuffle around in the hangar bay waiting for the magic words “Liberty call, liberty call for all hands!” while trying not to sweat through your new outfit.
Some civilians can’t fathom the discomforts Navy Sailors endure just to make it through one day at sea, let alone one complete deployment.
This one time, as pictured in the video above, my homie “Oki” pulled his digital camera out and passed it to “Mija” and the shenanigans ensued. I can be seen chiming in by breaking into spontaneous robotic dance moves.
Our office handled the finances and inventory controls for the ship and its embarked elements, including the Marines onboard. We were in charge of monitoring inventory metrics, outfitting the ship with what it needed for deployment habitability and sustainability, quality assurance, and paying for port visits. We typically worked 13+ hours a day and often ate at our desks to save time. Everyone in that office was a highly qualified Sailor on the ship and a subject matter expert in their specialty.
We ate challenges and adversity for breakfast as we sailed to exotic ports of call from San Diego, California, to Hawaii, Guam, Australia, Singapore, Thailand, Dubai, and Bahrain. It took a lot out of us to perform under those circumstances, but it paid us back in the vivid memories of the times we shared when it was our turn at naval history.
May the universe shine favorably on those brave enough to accept the challenge of life at sea, and on those who went before and came after me.We were Sailors then and always.
- My First Crush: Childhood Memories and Unrequited Love
Gee, let me see. I’m almost certain that my absolute first crush was as a little boy growing up in my NJ hometown. If my memory serves me correctly, it was in elementary school and was directed at a taller girl named Caryn. We were bused to a school on the other side of the city and were in a small cadre of Black kids in our class. There was something about her height and demeanor that made me like her as much as a little kid can like another one at that age.
My first real adolescent crush was on a young lady named Denaia. She was always one of the cuter girls in the neighborhood as we matured and developed physically, and the other young boys fawned after her because of her natural beauty. By ninth grade, I had befriended her and used to walk her home from school (this was the 80s kind of platonic vibe often seen in flicks of the era). We used to stop at the local 7-11 for Slurpees and snacks before making our nearly two-mile trek home. I naively believed that as long as I was nicely dressed, polite, and continued to expose her to my innate charm, she’d notice me in “that way” and one day become my serious girlfriend. Needless to say, much like an 80s flick, my crush went unrequited.
At one point as young adults, perhaps in our early twenties, I stopped by her house while walking home from my job at the city’s post office. For me, it was a harmless drop-in on a childhood friend who lived on my way home. I hadn’t seen her in a while because she went away to college at a nearby university for a few years and I was stuck in our hometown delivering mail. I rang the doorbell to her childhood home, she answered after a moment, but never emerged from behind the brown metal screen door. A few moments later, after an awkward exchange of pleasantries, a feisty young man came outside on the porch to “greet” me. As I turned my back to exit, he politely pushed me in the back nearly causing me to fall face-forward into the pavement below. I think I called him a jerk, laughed it off, and went on about my merry way home. After a long day of slinging mail, I didn’t have it in me to fight over a girl who wasn’t mine to begin with.
The funny thing about life is that, if you live long enough, everything eventually comes full circle. I went off to the military years later, traveled the world, got married and had a kid, and caught up with her on social media. I saw that she had also had a family and gone through some life changes as well, but the guy who pushed me wasn’t in the picture anymore. Some of our mutual friends gossiped that he had been abusive to her, but I don’t know if any of that’s accurate. I just know that she missed out on a real one.
These early experiences taught me a couple of key lessons about how to approach attraction that resonate with me today as a divorced dad in his fifties. I learned to speak my mind early and often when attracted to someone and not fear rejection as I had in my early interactions with the fairer sex. After surviving two decades of war and ending up paralyzed, I learned to tell people precisely how I feel about them while I have the breath to do so. That doesn’t mean folks always receive that information well, but that’s a part of their journey, not mine.
- Living in Vivid Fakeness
By E. Cole
We live in a world of delusion and illusion, where the left hand has no clue what the right is up to.
Merriam-Webster definition For example, 99% of Americans have no clue what happens in military service or much of its military history (some can’t even recite half of the state capitals or all of the US presidents), yet feel entitled to an opinion about the 1% who return from war with seen and unseen injuries.
Source: Pew Research Center Women who commit to a life of looking a certain way cosmetically haven’t come to terms with their impacts on young ladies’ self esteem and social valuation. They enter into and remain in abusive relationships and pass that harm along generationally. Little girls internalize that trauma and pass it along, infecting their children and those socially connected to them via digital media.
Self-comparison + Social validation + Peer pressure = negative impacts on mental health & physical expression Mass incarceration has been such a profound phenomenon since the ‘80s that it inspired many research projects, movies, talks, texts, and legislation…yet, we still contribute to it. People still find reasons to vote FOR it, even as we witness the debilitating consequences.
A seminal study of the effects of the phenomenon We culturally champion artists who say nothing positive or productive, just problematic lyrics that encourage violence and misogyny, misbehaving and bullying. It’s an industry that has damaged our young men nearly irreparably, but that’s what folks are singing loudly to on Saturday night (and some on Sunday morning en route to/from worshiping).
This is how contemporary society sees itself and its women. We have found little comfort in the available truth or resources to access a higher self, and have instead settled for a reality that’s less real (except for its inherent danger).
Socialized lies pervade and persist in the social media culture that keep full time employees behaving as self-proclaimed “bosses;” self-respecting women calling themselves “bit**es” and other women “hoes;” people calling for accountability but saying “snitches get stitches;” we praise athletes & rappers and castigate academics…and the list of identifiable and predictable sociological issues goes on.
If you’ve made it this far on this long post and think that it’s too harsh or “weird” energy, you may be an active and guilty participant in some of the aforementioned activities.
Please do your human best to be more humane and treat each other better.
- My Digital Art Notebook
Respect the wisdom of the elders. 
I’m learning… 
Don’t fall for the illusions online (they’re all lying). 
Heroes 
Shared Black masculinity 
Galactus 
Knowledge of self 
Filling each other’s cup 
Yoncé 
- Linden High School NJROTC Celebrates Veteran’s Day | Linden, NJ News TAPintoLinden High School Navy Junior Reserve Officer Training Corps (NJROTC) students had the opportunity to celebrate Veterans Day on Wednesday, November 1st through — Read on www.tapinto.net/towns/linden/sections/education/articles/linden-high-school-njrotc-celebrates-veteran-s-day
